I don't do resolutions. I refuse to diet. In life, I prefer small changes over radical transformations. I'm not a dreamer. Lofty goals and challenges feel overwhelming to me. Maybe I'm a pessimist. Maybe I'm boring. It's possible I have no drive.
The truth is I avoid the possibility of disappointment at all costs.
So when I stumbled across Ann Voskamp's New Year, New You Solutions, it caught my attention. This is manageable. I can do this. There is no room for disappointment, just growth.
A few years ago, we were attending a party and my daughter noticed a bag of lime tortilla chips. Her face lit up and she reminded me how we used to eat those chips while watching Say Yes to the Dress after naptime. I hadn't thought of those quiet afternoons until then, but the memory came quickly.
With big sister at school and her baby brother sleeping, my sweet redhead would finish her rest time and come sneaking out to join me on the couch. If I'm being honest, I wasn't always excited to see her. I often mourned the peace of an hour that went by far too fast. I selfishly resented those tiny hands taking the last of my favorite snack. I longed for more of me and less of them.
In all of my life, I have never wanted anything more than to be a mother. In all of my days, no job has required so much of me. In any given moment, I have never failed so often. I have given my sinful, selfish, flawed self this these little people and God covered all of that ugly. In the midst of my humanness, He gave her a memory of love. And I'm so glad he did!
I am sharing this challenge here to hold myself accountable (and to get my father off my back about not writing). This year won't be perfect, but, like those afternoons on the couch, I pray our memory will be love. He can do remarkable things in the midst of our ugly. All that's required is a willing soul.