This Piece of Time

The urge to write is a fickle friend.  I can go months and months without a single word and then suddenly she yells so loudly, I can’t help but answer her call.  Come to think, it’s not all that different from parenting an introverted teenager.  So here I go……. Last week I text a friend and told her that I felt unqualified.   Not overwhelmed or stressed or over-committed, just heavy.   Like the weight of all the things that surround me are more than I could ever have the capacity to mend or relieve. Questions I can't answer, needs I can't meet, fears I can't comfort, wounds I can't heal.  The resources, gifts and wisdom I bring feel so insignificant.   Like a little boy with his sack lunch looking at a crowd of hungry people.    Almost instantly, I heard God speak to my heart “This is where I use you best.   When all you have is all I gave, that’s when I shine.” When the need is greater than I possess, that’s when He multiplies. When the call is greater than m

I have been thinking on the Wise Men this week.  There are so many details of the Christmas story that are remarkable, but as we move towards the New Year, I am fascinated by these men who went searching for a king only to find a baby.  All of their studying, planning and traveling lead them to the most unexpected of places.  The Wise Men were given a promise that they would receive a king and they had a star to guide them.  I dare say that had they known they were searching for a baby with a virgin, teen mother, they may not have traveled so willingly!  These men moved without knowing all the details.  They followed even when they didn't know what was waiting for them.  Annie Downs says that God lets us dream in pieces because the greatness of His plan would overwhelm us.  So many times in scripture we find God asking men and women to just do big things.  David, Ester, Jonah, Noah, Moses......fight the giant, use your voice, take the trip, build the boat, lead the people.  But

 In case your keeping track, we are skipping March and April.   Partly because  I don't remember much about those months  and mostly because I can.  May was about to leave them in the dust anyway. When I sat down in January to assign each month's verse, I found myself stuck on May.  I am not so naive to believe I don't have idols, I just wasn't clear on what they were or how to narrow my focus.  I left the card blank, trusting I would have clarity in time.   May began with a blank card and a full schedule.  I was doing what I love. Pouring myself into people and projects and having a blast.  (You already know I thrive in chaos. It is, quite possibly, my spiritual gift.) In the midst of all that crazy, I had a brief conversation, like less than 5 minutes, when I verbally committed to step into something I had been wrestling with for about 3 months.  I had known the answer for some time, but this was the first time I was brave enough to speak the words. (W

"Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."  1 John 3:18 If being quiet didn't kill me in January, limiting screens was going to give it a go in February.  Who's idea was this anyway?? As I thought through this month, it quickly occurred to me that my use of screens is directly related to my addiction to noise.  This is most obvious when I find myself scrolling through my phone as I listen to the person sitting across from me.  I lie to myself (and everyone else) saying I can do it all, but they know better.  They feel my disconnect.   Not only have my children spoken the words..... "She's always on her phone" but I have begun to feel the disconnect myself.  I cannot ask of them what I am not will to do myself. It doesn't matter how boring the playground drama or how little I understand of the Star War theories.  My lack of Minecraft knowledge doesn't excuse my distraction.  Little things b

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him."  Psalm 62:5 January challenged me to Embrace Quiet.  I'll give you a moment to stifle your laughter.   Quiet and I don't get along.  My life is not quiet.  My brain is not quiet.  My mouth is certainly not quiet! In college, I avoided the library at all costs.  I studied in the lounge with all the chaos possible.  My grades may or may not have reflected such choices.   Needless to say, this month tested me. Coming out of Christmas, we enter one of my busiest months at work and two birthdays in our house. I realized quickly that even when my surroundings are finally still, I am anything quiet.  My body can rest, but mind and spirit are always spinning.  Planning, solving, rehashing, digesting.... I don't stop.  Ever.  There are times when the radio is off for most of the day and I drive around completely oblivious.  I can't hear the silence over the noise. I wish I could say I

I don't do resolutions.  I refuse to diet.  In life, I prefer small changes over radical transformations.   I'm not a dreamer. Lofty goals and challenges feel overwhelming to me.  Maybe I'm a pessimist.  Maybe I'm boring.  It's possible I have no drive. The truth is I avoid the possibility of disappointment at all costs. So when I stumbled across Ann Voskamp's New Year, New You Solutions, it caught my attention.  This is manageable.  I can do this.  There is no room for disappointment, just growth. A few years ago, we were attending a party and my daughter noticed a bag of lime tortilla chips.  Her face lit up and she reminded me how we used to eat those chips while watching Say Yes to the Dress after naptime.  I hadn't thought of those quiet afternoons until then, but the memory came quickly. With big sister at school and her baby brother sleeping, my sweet redhead would finish her rest time and come sneaking out to join me on the couch.  If I&