Not Nearly Enough

The urge to write is a fickle friend.  I can go months and months without a single word and then suddenly she yells so loudly, I can’t help but answer her call.  Come to think, it’s not all that different from parenting an introverted teenager. 

So here I go…….

Last week I text a friend and told her that I felt unqualified.  Not overwhelmed or stressed or over-committed, just heavy.  Like the weight of all the things that surround me are more than I could ever have the capacity to mend or relieve. Questions I can't answer, needs I can't meet, fears I can't comfort, wounds I can't heal.  The resources, gifts and wisdom I bring feel so insignificant.  Like a little boy with his sack lunch looking at a crowd of hungry people.  Almost instantly, I heard God speak to my heart “This is where I use you best.  When all you have is all I gave, that’s when I shine.” When the need is greater than I possess, that’s when He multiplies. When the call is greater than my qualifications, that’s when He intercedes.  Every time I hand Him all I have and ask Him to make it enough, He shows up and He shows off.  Every. Time.

It’s easy for me to get wrapped up in how God is using me, in the gifts and passions He has placed in me, that I forget that without Christ I bring nothing to the table.  Every ounce of talent, skill, heart, passion and purpose have always belonged to Him.  If it's not mine to begin with then there’s no pressure to do anything more than what I’m asked with whatever’s in my hand.  Each day is an opportunity to give back everything I hold.  No matter how small or seemingly inconsequential.  

There is so much freedom in recognizing that I am plain and simply not enough without Him.  This world tells me that my hustle determines my destination.  It says that my striving determines my success and my dreams rely on me.  Jesus says to rest in Him, to take His yoke because it’s easy, that I was created to do great things that are already prepared for me.  Sure, there is hard work to do, the days will be long and it won’t all come easy, but He can handle the outcome.  I can rest in the work. 

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.

Psalm 138:8

The brilliance of God is that when I open up my hands and realize that none of it belongs to me, He gives me more.  When I trust Him with the outcome, He gives me peace in the process.  When I hand Him the loaves and fishes, He makes sure His people are fed.