Sunday, May 8, 2011

In Case You Thought Otherwise

If you had told me at the age of twenty that I was not prepared for motherhood, I would have laughed in your face. I had been babysitting for years.  I cared for 10 infants every day for a year in a daycare.  I was a nanny to a newborn while pregnant with Paige.  I could do this in my sleep.  Kids were my thing.

Motherhood didn't shake me at first.  It took a year or two to realize how far over my head I was in.  Apparently, I'm a slow learner.  The truth is, all the things I thought I was going to "be" as a mom are so much more challenging than I could have imagined.

On occasion, I will have a friend comment on my "amazing patience" or call me "supermom".  Upon receiving such a compliment, I suggest we spend more time together.  Clearly I have given them a faulty impression of myself.   In an attempt to level the playing field, let me give you a glimpse of reality.

  • My patience level is nothing to admire.  I should pray for more, but I'm afraid of the consequences.
  • My kids eat breakfast bars, dry cereal, bananas or yogurt for breakfast while watching TV or driving to school.  I NEVER cook for them in the morning!
  • My van is littered with wrappers, cups, french fries, and crumbs.  The back seat has been declared a hazard zone.
  • I yell.  It is my biggest disappointment as a mom and I am working on it, but I still struggle daily.
  •  My children receive no more than 3 baths a week.  Tops.
  • I can not stand noise.  Three children in 1100 sq.ft. make this VERY challenging.
  • On Saturdays, I lay in bed and let the kids trash the living room until I absolutely MUST get out of bed.
  • I often answer questions with "I don't know" simply to avoid explaining the answer. 
  • All too often, I miss the intentional moments.
  • My son has at least one screaming meltdown in EVERY store we enter.
  • I have issues with being touched all day long.
I guess all of that is just to say that none of us are perfect.  No matter how calm or collected we seem on the outside, we may be just a "mommy" short of losing it on the inside.  We all struggle and we all fall short some days.

I love my kids and I don't regret a second of being their mom, but this job is HARD!  No age or job or class could have prepared me.  Not for the challenge or for the impact. 

I'm just a mom.  A mom who is still learning how to be a mom.  After all, I'm only 7 years old.

1 comment:

  1. Erin, you are such a blessing to have as a friend. Your honesty and "realness" touch me deeply. You are loved.