I have a bad attitude. It's been building for about a week now. At first I blamed hormones, then lack of "adult" time, and now I am at a loss. There are no more excuses. While hormones didn't do me any favors, they were not totally responsible. A date night was long overdue and an enjoyable break, but by morning the gray cloud was back. A man at Meijer told me how much he admired me as a mom, but that held me for only a few minutes. I have even enjoyed two play dates with sweet friends in the past week and, still, I can't kick the gloom.
Being married is hard; having kids is harder; having a new puppy is insane. Carpool lines, laundry, grocery shopping, baths, homework, dinner, PTO meetings, dentist appointments, dishes, and diapers consume my days. A screaming toddler and a bed-wetting preschooler interrupt my nights. If I'm not refereeing fights, I'm answering another unending "why" question or playing yet another game of I Spy. My world is rarely quiet. I'm tired.
In the movie "Date Night", Tina Fey says to Steve Carell "I just want one day that doesn't depend on how everyone else's day goes." Can I get an AMEN?!? Lately it feels like everything I do is dictated by what everyone else needs done. When I'm not caring for everyone at home, I'm organizing childcare for dozens of other moms. In many ways, I love my job, but, sometimes, it feels like more than I bargained for. When do I get to sit back and let someone take care of me??
If all of that whining were not enough for one post, I end feeling guilty. Guilty for complaining while my friend longs to hear the voices her two babies still in Ethiopia. Guilty for whining when another would give anything to spend one more sleepless night with her daughter. Guilty that my service has turned to burden. Mostly, though, I end feeling convicted. This Martha world isn't going anywhere. I've got to find my Mary spirit and STAT.