Friday, April 20, 2012


I'm having one of those life events that make you want to throw up and cry all at the same time.  Not that anything is actually "wrong".  I'm just so scared of the unknown that I can barely think straight.  For weeks I have been praying that God would make himself known.  That it would be unavoidably obvious the direction we should go.  Yet, the minute that God does something HUGE.  Something completely unexpected and totally obvious.  I FREAK out.  I have no peace.  Seeing the path is no longer good enough.  Now I want the destination too.  I want to see the whole staircase, not just this step.  How quickly I disregard his direction.  My fear and anxiety over the unknown overshadow the gift of known.  Nothing is ever enough. 

This afternoon I drove through town with two little ones giggling in the backseat and I poured my heart out. I sang through my sobs and I laid it down.  At his feet.  Where it belongs.  He has this, I don't.  He knows the destination.  I am only asked to walk the path.  He is my portion.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  He holds my world in His hands.

I'm going to need to revisit this post many times in the next few weeks (and the rest of my life for that matter).  And I will have to lay it down EVERY day, because He's more than enough for me.

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