Skip to main content

The Ugly Early Years.....

In order to tell you about high school, I need to begin in college. (I know that's backward, but hang with me.)  During my first month at Taylor, someone said something that would forever change me.  I have no idea who made the comment or why they felt compelled to speak.  What I do know is that for whatever reason, this person looked me in the eyes and simply stated "You're so nice."  That may not sound like a life altering statement to you, but it rocked my world.

You see, all of the sudden I realized that NO one had ever said that about me.  Now, I'm sure that my parents or family friends had uttered the words, but my high school "friends" had never. What was more alarming was that, in that instant, it all became perfectly clear.  I wasn't nice.  I wasn't outright mean, but I wasn't nice.  I was disapproving, self righteous, and critical. I expected everyone else to live by my standards and I offered them no grace or love.

There were very few who withstood the wrath of my convictions.  Everyone knew where I stood on nearly every issue and I didn't even have to say a word, the condemnation was written all over my face. I was a resounding gong (1Cor. 13) and no one wants a gong at their party. 

I wish I could apologize to each person who received my judgement instead of love. I wish I could tell them that I missed the boat.  That I should have loved them just like my Savior loves me. I wish I could tell them just how wrong I was and just how sorry I am to have missed an opportunity to show them the love of Christ. 

I am thankful for the few friends who loved me in spite of myself.  For those who stuck around to see me into adulthood.  Mostly, I am thankful that God doesn't need lousy old me.  I am grateful that he covers my mistakes and loves me right where I am.  Ugly and all.

Comments

  1. brianandcourtJanuary 7, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    Thanks for your vulnerability, Erin. Love knowing the story behind the story of someone's life. Looking forward to the rest of the friend journey. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mama's Sick

That's right, you heard it here first.  This mama's SICK!  I have fought off the runny nose-sore throat-head in a vice germs for months on end, but at last I have succumb.  Of course this misfortune must come on the same day as Ohio State's Bowl Game.  Try as he might, my dear husband has zero ability to hear ANYTHING that is happening when a football game is on.  Trust me.  I banged quite a few dishes around in the kitchen.  I even sighed loudly as I carried laundry in to fold.  Still...nothing.  He really does mean well.  He attempted to help with bedtime, but all three of those ankle bitters insisted on "mommy" putting them to bed.  He told me to go to bed as soon as he got home, but really ?  Can you imagine what the house would look like by morning???  I could have asked for help.  I should have asked.  Isn't that what my mother has been hammering into my head for the past 9 years?  "He doesn't see...
2 comments
Read more

My Promise

To my children: I recently saw this sign... "I am not your friend.  I am your parent.  I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down when necessary because I love you and when you understand that I will know you're a responsible adult.  You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares, or worries about you more than me.  This is my promise to you." At first glance, I thought I might agree, but then I read on.  The words that followed didn't settle.  You are little and, right now, I am not your friend.  On day, I hope to be and so I am making you a different promise. I will give you the freedom to test your wings and the boundaries to keep you safe.   I will enforce constructive consequences that will help you better understand the choices you make.  I will listen to your fears, needs and desires.  I will treat you with respect, grace, and love alway...
3 comments
Read more

Changes

"This pool is shady.  I NEED sun, so get back over here!" she scorned.  A mom who's little girl just wanted to play with her friend.  A mom who couldn't see past her need for perfect tan lines.  A mom who was missing the joy of vacation and was, in turn, stealing it from her daughter. My heart breaks.  I wish I could make her see just how much she is missing.  I wish her daughter could spend an afternoon with a mom who was completely engaged.  I wish she could know the joy of splashing with her children.  The memories that far outlast a tan.  I've traded pina coladas for snow cones, novels for sand castles, and late nights for early mornings.  My tan lines aren't even, my people watching has been narrowed to three little ones, and more money was spent at The Children's Place than Banana Republic.  Vacation has changed.  It's not that I have given up on any of the original ways of vacation.  They are ce...
3 comments
Read more